A RPG for psychotics...

H.O.L.:

Human Occupied Landfill

O.K., so many of us have had our time playing one Role-Playing Game (RPG) or another.  Overall most are the same; funny dice, a party of "noble heroes" and a goal of  stopping tyrannical villainy.  HOL is not that game!  After years of searching I found an online copy and will now tell you about this deranged game.

In '94/'95 some blokes made a game, hand drew the entire book & got Black Dog (White Wolf's adult line) to publish it.  It was meant to be a game for those sick of "goody-goody" games and the need for "funny" dice.  So you grab pencil, paper, booze (yes, you'll need it) and some d6's ("regular" dice for non-gamers), get some friends together & open the book...

WHAT THE FUCK?! 

The first sign you are in trouble is this:

Right from page 1 you can see that this is NOT like anything else.  This is the work of lunacy.  A psychotic embolism given form through the written word.  Gone are the worlds of amazing beauty and fantastic creatures.  Gone are the Noble races guarding against the incursions of Evil.  Here things are foul, nasty and brutal.  It is a planet where criminals and other undesirable contents are dumped.  This is your home.  Best learn to laugh at other's misfortunes because they will be laughing at yours.

There are two sections to the book: Part 1 - KILLING THINGS & Part 2 - THINGS THAT CAN KILL YOU.  At least that is simple enough...right?

Part 1 starts off with a description of HOL - "Ever been to New Jersey?  Okay, now add some high technology and make a planet out of it.  HōL is the New Jersey of the Confederation Of Worlds (C.O.W.).".  Obviously one of the creators had precognitive abilities and foresaw the coming of "Snooki".  It gives background on the formation of things.  Next come the rules.  Some are simple: rolling "boxcars" means rolling again & adding the scores until you fail to roll "boxcars" - which is pretty sweet - and rolling "snake-eyes" YOU LOSE!  Example: "Jeff's character, Fuzzteeth, is trying to tie his shoes.  The HM requires a skill roll (2 dice) and Jeff rolls snake-eyes.  The result: Fuzzteeth's head explodes.  Just one of those things, y'know?".  Yes, it can be extreme.  It goes on to give you characters (worth reading even if you never attempt to play), charts, combat and skills (I love the skill "Make anything you say sound more important than the voice of God").  If you can understand any of it to this point please call the authorities and seek a good asylum...one with thick walls & land-mines to stop you from escaping.

Part 2 is the Hol-meister (HM aka GM/DM/etc) section.  In my opinion the only people qualified for this are the same people who giggle during their shock-treatments and eat fist-fulls of Oxys chased with bottles of Everclear just to stay as close to "calm" as they ever will.  Here you get "God" stuff, XP's, money/bartering, history, C.O.W., The Church, baby eating, enemy NPCs (like the Sodomy Bikers), deranges stuff and the Bestiary which includes "Uncle Mickee".

If that doesn't creep you out nothing will!

Now, if your brain hasn't exploded or dribbled out of your skull from reading through the book you may wish to seek out the expansion book - Buttery Wholesomeness.  I have not yet found an online copy to link to BUT will say that being able to go to "Clown College" or get "Cornholed By God" does make the supplement worth getting. Also, if you get the better copy, you get a FREE BONUS GAME!!!  Yes, the game FREEBASE is included at no additional charge (except the charges you will get from Law Enforcement!).  It is a "live action" game so you can play in the "real" world.  I will not go into details but do suggest having a Bunsen burner, cotton balls, lighter, rubbing alcohol and a damned good attorney.

So give HOL a try...all you have to lose is your mind.  You weren't using it anyway.