Season of the Dead: Week I (part 2)

Season of the Dead: Week I

(part 2)

Alright!  As you survived the first of these installments I shall continue my torture of your grey matter.  Tonight I dig up one of the WORST films loved by hundreds.  It was suggested by a friend and I decided it was so absurd & harmless that I had to put it in the "kids" section.  Besides, the theme song is always fun to listen to.

(Theme Song)

Tonight I review for you - ATTACK of the KILLER TOMATOES.  Oh, yes!  The most kid terrorizing film ever.  Kids hate vegetables (I don't care that it may technically be a fruit).  They are poisonous to the body built to eat sugar and junk.  So why would anyone in their right mind make a film about vegetables (or fruit)?  Obvious answer - they were not in their right minds.  If anything they were so far out of their minds that scientists were unable to classify them.  Because of this they were never institutionalized and instead were given a camera.  In 1978 mobs of screaming, panicking movie-goers fled theaters...and that was during the opening credits!

(When toppings get revenge)

Yes, the government has lost their experimental mutant burger toppers and now humans are on the menu.  As a town is overrun by menacing vegetation the government send the most inept men to fight them.  The heroes consist of a man named Mason Dixon who never goes anywhere without his parachute, another man who has a scuba fetish and a master of disguise that stays discreet by dressing like a Black Adolph Hitler.  Joining them is a bumbling reporter that becomes known as a "strumpet".  They are DOOMED!

Needless to say that there is not anything that can be done about this red menace.  The military has been overrun, the government has fled and the townsfolk are becoming the new salad topping.  The tomatoes range from tennis ball size to the size of small cars.  They chase you!  They leap at you!  They EAT you!  And there is nothing standing in their way!

Oh, if only they had a weakness to exploit.  An allergy to peanuts?  Bees?  Acute hearing?  Anything?!  Wait!  They DO have acute hearing.  Not only that but they are also critical of music.  If only Justen Bieber were performing then.  Alas, there was no Bieber.  But there HAD to be someone who was the equivalent back then. they had to have some annoying song that hurt to listen to.  Some voice that could drive these monsters away.  Oh, YES!  There is a song!  "Puberty Love" - a song that not only cases the tomatoes to flee but also causes them to shrivel (my guess is Bieber's dad was the singer).  Rejoice!  We are saved.  Here, listen to the song that saved the world.

(Puberty Love)

Now that we have survived the first movie you can ponder on the fact they made several sequels AND a cartoon (see, kids do like crap).  More tomato terror!  Thankfully they do one nice thing - they destroy France.  So grab a copy of this "classic" and a strong Bloody Mary, duct-tape the kids in front of the screen & share the wonder that this film holds.

(Please note this was nearly published on time but something went wrong and it got erased then rewritten)