Season of the Dead: Week I (parts 3 & 4)

Season of the Dead: Week I

(parts 3 & 4)

(Part 3)

Sorry I did not post yesterday - laptop issues took too long to fix.  So, to make up for that I will be doing a *DOUBLE FEATURE* tonight!

First up in this post of "kid safe" movies is a movie that answers the geek question "What if Tribbles evolved into a predator species instead of giant dust-bunnies?".  The answer:  CRITTERS!!!

That's right, an alien even Captain Kirk wouldn't want to "romance".  Wow!  Is there such a creature?  Yes, there is.  This movie is a Gremlins knock-off that has creature which resemble the mating of a Tribble and a Gremlin.  Give them the personality of a dim-witted frat-boy crossed with a garbage disposal then cover it in fur and you have a Crite (the creature's species).  

It starts with a pair of galactic bounty hunters losing their catch of eight Crites.  The escape sets the fugitives in a small town in Kansas.  If Dorothy thought she had it bad she doesn't know how bad things can get.  She would wish for an army of flying monkeys any day over these toy ball sized beings who will devour you in moments. Anyway...the Crites hide in a farmhouse owned by a non-dysfunctional family (like those exist) who are oblivious to the peril they are in.  Things get interesting when the bounty hunters "disguise" themselves as locals (one becomes a music star who looks too much like Tim Curry to be comfortable & the other like the town's dim-wit) and the hunt begins.  Cue laser blasts, devoured people, tranquilizer darts and mad-capped comedy filling the screen with fun chaos.

This fits my "kids" criteria as the Critters are kinda cute (in a demented way) and they are actually funny.  Of course there is one instance of the "big-daddy" cuss word printed on screen BUT the rest is not so bad.  It is fun, exciting and a great way to get the young ones pumped for Halloween shenanigans.

If you enjoy the first movie I do suggest pairing it with CRITTERS 2 which continues the mayhem and skip the rest of the series.   Number 2 has one scene which still tickles me every time I see it.  Take a look and see what you think:

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(Part 4)

The second feature of this DOUBLE FEATURE has one of my favorites.  Grab some popcorn and cotton-candy, make sure your video device is hooked up to your sound system, turn the lights off and crank the volume up - a circus of fun is about to begin!

What is it that all circuses have in common?  Is it acrobats?  A strong man & bearded lady act?  Lions, tigers and bears (Oh, my!)?  Nope!  None of these.  They may have lions OR tigers OR bears but not all have all three.  They ,may have a strong man OR the bearded lady (in this day the latter is more common than the former) but not both.  Safety regulations make it hard to have acrobats nowadays.  So what is it that all circuses have in common?  They have those zany, squirting-flower wearing, pie in the face throwing, fit insane amounts of them into one super tiny vehicle individuals with big feet & red noses (no, not the local drunk) which are known world-wide as clowns.  Everyone loves clowns...right?

What if you have Coulrophobia?  Relax!  This actually isn't about clowns.  It is about a group of aliens that happen to look like clowns...and act like clowns...and do clown like things.  But their name proves they are not clowns.  They're the KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE!!! The spelling of their name PROVES they are not clowns but an alien race called Klowns.  Huge difference.

C'mon...do they look dangerous?  What are they gonna do...attack you with popcorn & cotton candy?  Maybe throw a pie in your face?  Bwahahahaha!!!  Are you seriously scared of THAT?  You should be!  The pie will melt you.  They wrap you in cotton-candy then drink you through a ridiculous swizzle-straw.  And the popcorn they throw on you ends up becoming jack-in-the-box heads which will eat you!

(This popcorn wants YOU covered in butter.) 

The movie starts out  with kids making-out at "lover's lane" when they see something fall to Earth.  So, just like any other teens about to have some naughty fun, they leave to find what fell.  (O.K. - teens with zero libido and no natural urges).  While the two begin their search one local farmer does find what fell - a circus tent!  Well, being a yokel and all he just decides to have a look-see.  The last things he & his dog see are the occupants of the tent.  The couple show up soon after and they too explore.the tent thinking that it is just a circus placed way in the woods far from any roads where no-one would readily find them.  (not the brightest pair)  As they explore they realize it is a space-ship that is quite large on the inside.  (the scene has an "nod" to FORBIDDEN PLANET)  They also discover that the giant cocoons of cotton-candy are really juice-boxes for Killer Klowns! A desperate run for freedom has them set upon by Klowns shooting popcorn at them and loosing a balloon-dog to track them.  Luckily the dog pops and the kids escape.

Upon their return to civilization the kids try to get help from the cops...and fail miserably.  The boy hero gets hand-cuffed while the female gets dropped off at home by her ex-boyfriend - the cop.  Fickle Fate decides the boy does not need to do time yet and allows the hero & cop to witness a Klown attack.  As they attempt to stop the Klown with their car they miss & slam into a wall.  (actually it looks like they barely tapped it).  With the car inoperable they enlist the aid of two brothers who sell iced-cream.  Since the ice-cream sales had failed to get the brothers any lady friends they agree to do their part.  (at least they had their priorities straight)  As the pair make it back to the station and relay the news of invasion to the veteran officer the Klowns are spreading chaos & mayhem while harvesting the town.  The veteran thinks the whole town is having a joke on him,  loses his cool and runs the duo off.  Even after several phone calls from where citizens he is friends with state the reality of peril in town he will not believe it.  No sir...he will not be made a dummy of.  Or will he?

Well, as it turns out the veteran does get made into a dummy - a ventriloquist dummy at that.  While the town is being collected & biker gangs are beaten he is used to explain that people are what's for dinner and that there's nothing that can be done about it.  Well, the living cop shoots the Klown & sees that they may not have a weakness.  Then he hits the "sweet spot" - that big red honker of a nose.  Pretty lights & a mild explosion put an end to one clown.  But is he good enough to hit all of their noses?

The boyfriend and the iced-cream vendors head into town to see the most surreal scene of Klowns having a harvest parade..  So, what do they do?  Run like hell is what they do.  While that went on the heroine took the longest shower in film history.  Seriously, this girl takes a 15 minute shower!  In "film time" that equals 2 hours!  Was she really THAT skanky?  Well, while she showers the popcorn covered clothes she put in the bin start becoming restless.  After she finishes dressing the bin opens and jack-in-the-box clown heads attack!  These freaky creatures will make sure you NEVER wait to do laundry again.  Dodging past them she makes for the door only to get confronted by actual Klowns.  Well her luck has run out.  With a zap she is trapped inside a giant ball.

With the girlfriend taken away there is only one thing to do. (skip town fast?)  It is time for a rescue.  What do the heroes bring to stop an army of Killer Klowns From Outer Space?  An iced-cream truck and a cop armed with a pistol and a shotgun.  Yup, they are so DOOMED.  But being heroic means not worrying about being doomed.  So the four men figure out where the Klowns are hiding and head to the amusement park.  There they find the melted mess of the security guard who was pied to death...with a cherry on top.  REALLY!  From that horror they must navigate the most odd and lethal fun-house without getting creamed.  Well the vendors fall to traps which drop them into the arms of girl Klowns.  If you think human girls have esteem issues for wanting implants then the Klown girls beat evolution.  Yup, their boobs are inflatable and swell to a distracting enough size to mesmerize the vendors.  (poor guys)  Now the boyfriend and cop find the girl and make a dash for safety.  All they must do is get passed a small army of Klowns and they are free,  Thankfully an iced-cream truck bursts through a wall.  It seems girl Klowns just want to have fun and didn't kill the bumbling fools.  The vendors use their P.A. to pretend to be the clown head mascot on top of the truck.  Just as the group believes they will escape they are confronted by Klown Kong!  Yes, a giant Klown.  A "Boss Level" beast if you please.  The truck (and vendors) get slung across the room and explode!  DOOM!  The cop faces off against Klown Kong so the couple can escape.  As he empties his pistol into the beast he is snatched up.  The couple, free of the Klown ship see that it is preparing to leave again.  The cop has second to escape being a smeared snack in space.  Out of ammo he grabs his only tool - a symbol that is important to him...his badge.  No!  He doesn't throw it like a ninja!  He uses the pin to puncture Klown Kong's nose.  But the ship has already taken off - he is screwed.  Uh-oh!  With the loss of Klown Kong the ship explodes!  The only thing to fall to Earth from the explosion was a tiny Klown car.  As the door opens we see that the cop AND the vendors survived.  The vendors had hid inside the freezer just before the explosion.  And so, with the Earth safe and the friends reunited we end with a laugh.

Here is one of the BEST songs from a movie ever!  I listen to this frequently and hope you will enjoy it too.  It is from an old punk band - The Dickies:

I hope everyone has enjoyed this DOUBLE FEATURE review.

(p.s. - something went screwy with the formatting & the font changed.  will work on it)